A letter to myself!

letter to myself

Medellin, Colombia!

Dear Marvin,

By now, you probably realized a few things about this life: it changes every second, nothing lasts forever, and your mind is not your best guide.

So, what to do from now?

You are 28 years old now. Almost 30. That does not mean anything. Life does not know time. Ok, that did not help much. You need some guidance. You seem lost. Just last night, you seemed lost, like on most weekends.

I’ll recommend this: get a girlfriend.

Find a women who you really like and spend time with her and share yourself fully with her. You need the connection. You need the female polarity in your life.

You do much better with it.

Yet, you are afraid.

You know you would do better and you are afraid, based on past experience.

Well. That is fine. We are all hurt. We all got unfinished business. You did a good job of facing what you left incomplete. You kept lists. You did what you could, Marvin.

Now, you got to realize this:

You are fine now. Now is the only creative moment in your life.

Forgive yourself and move on.

So, find a girl. Ask her out. Walk up to her and say hi. Take risks. You know this shit already. Share yourself with a women you like, walk up and smile and say hi.

That is what you need to do!

All the rest you are doing is circling around this main issue. This is your biggest fear. This is where your biggest growth hides. Face it, and watch it spill over into different areas of your life. Keep avoiding it and stay lost. Stay out on weekends. Stay drinking.

You know it.

Now, you got to do it.

You are one of the more afraid guys out there. You are afraid of being told no. You stutter. You tell yourself al these excuses. You know, they are all not true.

Here is the truth: You are afraid to do what you want to do!

This fear keeps you from getting what you want in other areas of life, like money, friendships, adventures. You are leading an O.K. life, you are traveling.

That is all good.

But you know that there is a lot more out there for you to get.

It is there, now. Waiting for you to walk up. Waiting for you to lose your mind.

Yet, you postpone.

You keep telling yourself stories.

You keep saying that you are going to do it when you are older.

That is a lie. You know it is a lie. I know it is a lie.

You are afraid of what you really want.

I urge you son, face it. Face it now. Face it today. Do not put it off another minute. It grows on you. You give it space and it grows on you. You can’t tell truth from lies any more. You go deeper into your mind the longer you put it off. One lie at a time.

You put it off for so long.

You started believing your stories.

But face it, your whole lifestyle is circling around the biggest fear you chose not to face.

For you, it is walking up to women you really want to walk up to.

You don’t do it. You sit with your computer in coffee shops. You smile at women, yet you won’t say a word. You rest on the fact that you had sex with over 100 women.

But, that is part of the problem. Did you enjoy it? What did it give you?

Nothing.

You are avoiding facing your fear. You know what they are. They scream at you every moment. Life shows you your weaknesses. You decide to give more power to your excuses by not facing what you know you need to face, eventually. That is, if you want to experience the life you say you want to live.

Coward.

Fake.

Your current lifestyle is an avoidance-based lifestyle. You chose it. You are choosing it now. You chose it yesterday. Life is ready for you. You stay afraid. You stay a firm believer of your mind’s bullshit.

Oh boy.

You writing this is part of the problem. You write this. You think about posting this on your little website. You would be better off not writing at all, going out there in the real world and getting busy doing what you are terrified to do.

You need to, if you want the life you say you want.

But… you postpone. You say you got plenty of time. You say you are only 28. You say you do it when you are 30. You are a liar. A coward. Now is the only creative point in life.

Now, you chose fear over love. You chose comfort over growth. You chose being content over self-exploration. Your smile is impure.

That is your biggest challenge.

Avoid it, and keep stuck. Keep playing nice.

Face it, and grow. Feel all the sensations in your body.

Nothing else needs to be said.

Yours,

God